If Tomorrow Doesn't Come by Jen St. Jude

 Pages: 368

 Publisher: Penguin 

 Released: 11th of May 2023 

We Are Okaymeets They Both Die at the End in this YA debut about queer first love and mental health at the end of the world-and the importance of saving yourself, no matter what tomorrow may hold.

Avery Byrne has secrets. She's queer; she's in love with her best friend, Cass; and she's suffering from undiagnosed clinical depression. But on the morning Avery plans to jump into the river near her college campus, the world discovers there are only nine days left to live: an asteroid is headed for Earth, and no one can stop it.

Trying to spare her family and Cass additional pain, Avery does her best to make it through just nine more days. As time runs out and secrets slowly come to light, Avery would do anything to save the ones she loves. But most importantly, she learns to save herself. Speak her truth. Seek the support she needs. Find hope again in the tomorrows she has left.

If Tomorrow Doesn't Come is a celebration of queer love, a gripping speculative narrative, and an urgent, conversation-starting book about depression, mental health, and shame.

TW: Attempted Suicide 

What I Have to Say 

I really enjoyed this book, but the trigger warnings were not up to scratch. I was really glad I'm not triggered by suicide anymore because the opening which shows her about to commit suicide was definitely more than the "discussions of suicide" that the trigger warning implied. I would really recommended that anyone who is currently suicidal or is still in a fragile state skips the entire first chapter. 

The story was beautiful though. I was worried it would be too much of showing her how to live again, but it was a lot more subtle than that. The romance between Cass and Avery was so sweet and tragic and I wanted to read it forever. 

I loved the flashbacks as well. It was nice seeing the story of Cass and Avery build up and grow. 

This was a very sad book and had a lot of comments on society and religion, but I really enjoyed reading it. It was the kind of sad that makes an impact on you and you remember for a very long time. 

4 stars 

My thanks goes to Netgalley and Penguin for providing me with this gifted copy for review. 

Are You Happy Now by Hannah Jameson

Pages: 352 

Publisher: Viking 

Released: 2nd of February 2023 

DO YOU FEEL NOTHING? OR DO YOU FEEL EVERYTHING?

It all began at a wedding. A smile across the room. A moment of lust. A separation long overdue. Then a woman sat down . . . and never stood up again.

Suddenly hundreds, then thousands of people are sitting down. Is it a sickness - or are they simply giving up?

In the search for love, or happiness, or anything at all, is living a choice? Or is it just something that happens to us?

TW: Death, mental illness, medical content, suicidal thoughts, drug abuse

What I Have to Say 

This is not a  book to read when you're depressed, but I really enjoyed it. It was a really interesting look at how the world views mental illness and how it would view a mass suicide pandemic in a fictional scenario. I was disappointed at how quickly the world wrote it off as a choice, but I think that's a reflection on the world itself really. 

I really liked the characters and seeing how they each reacted to the situation. I would have really liked to see a bit more from the journalist character, seeing as she brought us into the book. I also thought that it would be really interesting to see the conflict between reporting on this, especially as there was the question of whether people were being influenced by seeing reports of others sitting down. But the author drifted away from her story and started to look at other characters instead. I liked the other characters and I especially liked the LGBTQ+ representation, but I would have liked to see more of that thread of the story. 

The ending really hit me hard. I saw it coming, especially as the author started to build up to it, but that didn't make it any less hard hitting. I would like to see more of what happened after, but I do think that was the right place to end.  

All in all, my advice is to only read this when you're in a good place but it is well worth the read. 

 

4 stars 

My thanks go to Netgalley and Penguin for providing me with this copy for review. 

Call It What You Want by Brigid Kemmerer

Synopsis (from Goodreads) 

Pages: 374 

Publisher: Bloomsbury YA 

Released: 1st of July 2019 

When his dad is caught embezzling funds from half the town, Rob goes from popular lacrosse player to social pariah. Even worse, his father’s failed suicide attempt leaves Rob and his mother responsible for his care.

Everyone thinks of Maegan as a typical overachiever, but she has a secret of her own after the pressure got to her last year. And when her sister comes home from college pregnant, keeping it from her parents might be more than she can handle.

When Rob and Maegan are paired together for a calculus project, they’re both reluctant to let anyone through the walls they’ve built. But when Maegan learns of Rob’s plan to fix the damage caused by his father, it could ruin more than their fragile new friendship...

This captivating, heartfelt novel asks the question: Is it okay to do something wrong for the right reasons?

TW: Mentions of Suicide/ finding someone post suicide, disability post suicide, pregnancy 

What I Have to Say 

This was such an interesting read, going deep into the idea of morality and the shades of grey that go with it. It follows the path of two teenagers, one who made a mistake and cheated on her SAT exam and another who has to deal with his father having cheated a lot of people out of a lot of money. It shows how the community sees these people and how they can recover from what happened. There's also the story of Meagan's sister who has to deal with a pregnancy and the fall out from that/ the power that the father of the child has over her. 

It also looks into the Robin Hood-esque concept of stealing from the rich to give to the poor. It debates whether stealing to help your friends buy food or expensive shoes that their mother needs for her job is okay if the people who have the money won't notice. It really looks deep into the issue and the opposing sides of the argument. 

It was most interesting to see Rob's side of things, with his father having been the one to do the crimes, but Rob having to suffer through the repercussions. Having lost all his families money, all his friends and having to help look after his father after the failed suicide attempt. It was really interesting to so how much Rob was seen as the villain by his classmates when it was his father who had done the crimes. 

A great read with deep complex issues. 

My thanks go to Bloomsbury YA and Netgalley for providing me with this free copy for review. 

The Astonishing Colour of After by Emily X.R. Pan

Synopsis (from Goodreads) 

Pages: 480 

Publisher: Orion's Children's Books 

Released: 22nd of March 2018 

Leigh Chen Sanders is sixteen when her mother dies by suicide, leaving only a scribbled note: 'I want you to remember'. Leigh doesn't know what it means, but when a red bird appears with a message, she finds herself travelling to Taiwan to meet her maternal grandparents for the first time.

Leigh is far away from home and far away from Axel, her best friend, who she stupidly kissed on the night her mother died - leaving her with a swell of guilt that she wasn't home, and a heavy heart, thinking she may have destroyed the one good thing left in her life.

Overwhelmed by grief, Leigh retreats into her art and into her memories, where colours collide and the rules of reality are broken. The only thing Leigh is certain about is that she must find out the truth. She must remember.

What I Have to Say 

A beautiful moving book about family and the past, a vivid picture of Taiwanese culture and at least 50% of the reason I decided to learn Mandarin, this book is something truly, truly special. It showed the grieving process that Leigh goes through and the impact of her mother's suicide in a very real way but without making it overwhelming or triggering for the reader. Painting it with colours and isolation and the magical realism of the bird. 

The way that Leigh's grief is painted turns it to more of an adventure, chasing the bird and exploring her family and Tawainese heritage. It doesn't hide the harsh realities any more than Leigh's grief does, bringing them crashing down on her and her families head, as is always inevitable. 

It's very hard to truly express how very special this book is, but it is definitely on list of books to push on everyone I know. 

My thanks go to Orion Children's Books and Netgalley for providing me with this copy for review. 

Things I'm Seeing Without You by Pete Bognanni

Synopsis (from Goodreads) 

Pages: 336

Publisher: Chicken House 

Released: 1st of February 2018 

Seventeen-year-old Tess talks to Jonah every day; through texts, tweets and emails.

So when she discovers Jonah has committed suicide, her world implodes. Feeling heartbroken and traumatized Tess unexpectedly finds herself at her estranged father’s house, wondering how well she really knew Jonah. Now, having dropped out of high school, struggling with questions about life and loss, Tess and her father come together to try and find the answers.

What I Have to Say 

I wasn't sure how this would be, so I was really glad to like it so much. It was really beautiful and poignant, with a few twists that make things really interesting. It's centred around the idea of how to mourn someone when you find out that you didn't really know him at all and how to get closure from a relationship that ends so dramatically. 

The father's funeral business adds some comedy to the book and also brings in the idea of funerals and different ways to celebrate and commemorate a person (or horse) after death. It was really interesting to see different ideas and ways to hold a funeral. 

It was a bit of a morbid book, but it really wasn't as depressing as I worried it might be. It was actually a beautiful moving tale of someone picking themself up and finding a way to go on after such a tragedy. 

My thanks go to Chicken House for providing me with this copy for review. 

Breaking by Danielle Rollins

Synopsis (from Goodreads) 

Pages: 352

Publisher: Bloomsbury Childrens 

Released: 10th of August 2017 

Charlotte doesn't fit in with her two best friends, or with anyone else at The Underhill Preparatory Institute, her cut-throat school for the rich and gifted. But when those best friends die suddenly, Charlotte doesn't know where to turn.

Were they keeping secrets? Could Charlotte be the reason they did it? Because Charlotte has a secret of her own, and now she must decide how much she will risk to discover the truth.

Trigger Warnings: Suicide, cutting

What I Have to Say 

I thought that this would be more bitchy girls in prep girls cutting each other down, but what I got was so much better than that. There was a lot of intrigue and mystery, but there was also a lot of grief from Charlotte. Grief for the way her mother can't love her, grief for the loss of her two best friends. The first part of it is pretty introspective and it makes you wonder a lot why Charlotte stays at Underhill, despite the fact that there's the mystery of the "drink me" bottle. 

But that's the heart of the story. This is the story about the way that she changes. The way that she gains the confident to assert herself, whether that's just because of the fact that she drank something from a little bottle or the fact that she's finally realising that she can be her own person instead of endlessly failing to be what her mother wants her to. 

I think it's this character that makes the book more than anything else. Charlotte is a product of her mother's desperation for her to be smart and despite her mother being absent for most of the book, she is always there in the background of Charlotte's thoughts. And as Charlotte starts to change, she starts to go against her mothers wishes more and more. 

It ended in such an interesting way too. I really can't wait for the sequel to find out what happens next. 

My thanks go to Bloomsbury and Netgalley for providing me with this copy for review.